Kids in college

My 18 year old son is now a full time college student. He was not so happy when I insisted he do this. He's a writer and wants to write. He's a game player and wants to play. He also admits that he's not ready to grow up. I told him if he had a better plan than this he could propose something else to me, but it had to be good. If not he has to go to school.

Just a bit of resistance, but now he's relating all the cool stuff he's learning. He's kind of puffed up with his ever expanding intellect right now. It's so fun and satisfying to see!

My 14 year old daughter was anxious to get her college career started. So she's taking a dance class at the community college as a "special admit student." She's already thinking about which classes she'll take next semester.

We were talking the other day about the four month Pacific Crest Trail trip I'm planning when I turn 50. Daughter says "I'll be 18 by then and should be "home" from college then so she might join me on part of the trip. I'm not sure where she thinks she'll be coming "home" from but this is from the homeschooled/unschooled girl who once said she could never be in a classroom if it meant sitting in those "uncomfy" desks.

It's so interesting to me to see these changes in my kids; just when you think you've got them figured out.

Missing a place, missing the past

It's 4:50 am. I woke up a half hour ago and started thinking. It's dangerous to start thinking at this hour of the morning; leads to sleep deprevation. These thoughts seemed important to save so here I am, rich with blogging content. This may begin a new series.

Yesterday I took the two hour drive up to my old home town in the local mountains to pick up the kids and go to the Jazz Festival there. Idyllwild is such a beautiful place! It was at my suggestion, in 1999, that Bill (the blog name I've given to my ex-husband) and I figured out a way to live in this small mountain community; in a place that actually had obvious seasons - snow even.

I clearly remember when the first inklings of this scheme were hatched. We were sitting outside our small motorhome where we were camping just outside Idyllwild. The sun was shinning through the pine and cedar trees. There was a cool nip in the air. The sky was the most amazing blue color. The peace of this place settled all the way into my bones. I looked over at Bill and said, "I feel like I'm home."

About six months later we were needing to move. The house that my parents rented to us was being sold. I told him that I thought we could figure out a way to live in Idyllwild. We could live there, travel down for a few days every week to work the business we had here, and continue our Martial Arts training (which I was very dedicated to.) We bought a small sturdy cabin and moved in. Then every Monday morning we'd pack up our two kids, travel down to the coast and pick up the motorhome which we strored there. This became my vehicle for the next four days. Bill would go to work and the kids and I would lay in supplies, visit the beaches and parks. We had Disneyland passes and would go there once a week. I worked only one full day each week, besides the bookkeeping etc,. We'd all meet back in the karate school parking lot, have dinner, train, then lock outselves in our cozy motorhome nest laughing, talking or just being quietly close to each other, then go to sleep. On Thursay evening we'd put the motorhome back in storeage, and head back up.

People always asked whether I got tired of the drive and living in two places. For the most part I really liked it. I appreciated so much of what I had in both areas and I like driving anyway. Things slowly changed but I'm getting away from the original intent of this post.

I could go on about what I don't miss about this time and how my new life is really great now but here's what I miss. I miss not owning a home. I figured out how much extra to pay to own it free and clear by the time I was 50 (I'm 46 now.) I miss living in a beautiful forested place that smelled so good. I miss the quiet and my every Sunday morning hike with "the ladies." I miss Dome Rock; my thinking place, which was a 5 minute walk from home with this great panoramic view. I miss the rumbling, traveling sound of thunder which I got to hear yesterday. I miss living in a place where running into people you know as you go about your business is so common nobody is surprised. I miss playing music with the band Bill and I started. I miss my friends there. I'm really missing not being the only bread winner. It's not that we didn't have money issues but it didn't fall all on my shoulders and I had much more free time. I don't so much miss the actual relationship I had with Bill, but I have to be honest and say that a two person relationship is less complicated than three. I miss being with the kids up there on the weekends and having that non working time with them. I miss the change of seasons. I miss the snow.

I remember vividly the first time it snowed after we moved in. Bill is a weather watcher and said that snow bound to happen soon. When it did we all went outside and watched the snowfakes dance their way to the earth. We did out own dance of joy. It was truly magical. My heart sang.

This place is still only two hours away. I have friends who would love to have me stay with them anytime. I talked to a friend, who is a brilliant photographer, about coming up and going for a hike with her. I told her I'd give her a call to do this. Usually those "give me a call and we'll....." things fall by the wayside but I really want to follow up. I have lots of hiking buddies. I think I need this. Being out in nature in this way feels like a sanity saver and I'm not saving myself enough.

I got this little sticker yesterday that says "The only constant is change." Do I want to go back to my old life? No, at least not all of it. Do I want to take part in some of those things that brought joy into my life then? Yes.

Once there was a night

Written a few hours after first light 8/8/07

Once there was a night
That night was filled with
anguish,
fear,
sorrrow,
and tears

It was also filled with
love,
words,
calmness,
and joy

It was a night of transformation
of facing truths and finding out that some were lies
of heartbeats
and moments
and time
and space

A night of prayers without answers
Of decisions that did not need making

A night of aloneness
and people
and books
and thoughts
It was sleepless and wild and full of possibilities

And in the morning it became a new beginning

I am not my limitations
I can see fear in a new light
I can look at my life in a new way

We can move forward together trusting that this hard work will bring us joy

Indulgent wording

Here's a challenge for you bloggers. Most of the people I read write with this great conversational tone. How about taking some regular sentence or paragraph and turn it into a gaudy, large, complicated, word heavy masterpiece. Have fun with it.

Here's an example: The grass felt cool under my feet.

The plant of the family Gramineae, having jointed stems, sheathing leaves, and seedlike grains enriched me by imparting a sensation of moderate coldness and comfortable freedom from the heat in the subordinate position of the terminal part of my leg, below the ankle joint, on which my body balances in a verticle upright positon and ambulates.

I had a great time with this. Between dictionary.com, my daughter, and a thesaurus, we were able to turn this simple sentence into one of pompus wordiness.This amused me very much. Take the first sentence that pops into your mind. Go ahead and give it a try!

Serious Work Mode

I decided to close my school down for the month of August to make some improvements. I've been working my ass off the last couple of days. I got my good friend to be my nag for the month. I'm working on my co-dependency issues but have to admit that I'm still a people pleaser. Having someone to have to report to everyday with to-do lists and follow up at the end of the day is just the thing this recognition junky needs.

I'm excited about having the time to really put the effort into taking the school to the next level without planning /teaching/ supervising 24 classes a week. I even changed the name of the school. The word "Karate" was in the name before. This didn't make sense because we teach a Kung Fu style; not even from the same country.

I do think it will be fun to do the "8 Things" meme that Daniel tagged me with. Maybe this weekend. It's off to bed with me for now.