Solstice

My kids and I have continued with a tradition that we started a few years ago. We celebrate the Solstice. This morning at 4:04 am PST we entered the winter season. My daughter asked last night if we could get up and watch the sun rise. She wanted to welcome in the winter that way. Son wasn't interested in this part of our celebration. There was more that we planned to do later in the day that he was more excited to participate in.

We set the alarm and got up. She and I stood on the front walkway of our third floor apartment and watched the light from the rising sun barely filter through a large thick tree that is down the block. We thought to wait until the sun rose above the tree but the plan was to greet the sun and go back to bed and it looked like it might take a while to clear the tree.

It was so beautiful outside. We are generally late sleepers but that time of the day holds magic! We didn't have any particular ceremony planned but then daughter starts quietly signing The Cherokee Morning Song. It's a really beautiful song sung in the native language. I joined in right away and we sang the traditional four rounds. It was perfect! My heart swelled with Gratitude for the coming day and my love for my daughter.

Happy Solstice Everyone!

The four of us again

I'm Grateful to have a good relationship with my ex-husband. He made the two hour trip to town to see our daughter in her dance receital. Actually he made a day out of it by going Christmas shopping and getting in nine holes of golf. Unfortunately, there was a communication problem and the dance program started at five o'clock, not seven like daughter thought. She was upset because she got there when her group was on stage already. Everyone else somehow knew the right time. It's hard to know what happened but it was confusing because there were two performances, two days in a row. Daughter couldn't go last night because she had a final test in her Japanese class. She said she specifically asked her teacher the time for THIS performance. I've met this teacher and she's a bit scattered so it's possible that she gave her bum info. But, as I pointed out to daughter, there have been times lately when I will tell her something and she'll answer OK then later say she never heard me tell her that so I think it's equally - if not more possible that she tuned out the teacher the way she tunes me out sometimes. This time there was a bigger consequence - you know, a learning experience. But I digress.

We all went out to a coffee shop for some desert. Bill did a great job of talking to daughter who felt bad having her Dad make the trip for a performance that was missed. This is the man I was married to for 21 years. He's a really decent guy. I wish only the best for him. We all talked and laughed together for about an hour. It felt so nice and comfortable for it to be just the four of us again.

I told him in the parking lot that I enjoyed us all going out. He smiled and said he liked it too. While the kids were moving their stuff from my car to his truck, he and I continued talking. He's stopped drinking again and feels pretty good. He then told me he misses me and that he knows he wasn't always the best husband. He said he wasn't trying to change anything but just wanted me to know.

I thought to say it wouldn't have mattered because I'm gay but, you know, some things at some moments are better left unsaid. I'm glad he's taking better care of himself and hope the sobriety lasts. It would be great if he went to AA but he's always resisted that and it's his business. Still the evening that started off somewhat drama-filled turned out quite nice.