Cross Roads

Yesterday I did a very simple thing. I went and watched my local community college softball team play a game. I knew the head coach of the team from way back when I played Bobbysox softball with her in the sixth grade. I also knew her all through Jr High and High School having played basketball together. I hadn't seen Suzy since except for our 10 year high school reunion. I knew she had kept up with the sports, narrowing her broad range of team sports to specializing in softball. She majored in Phys. Ed., played college ball and represented the U.S. in several Pan American Games. She's now on the commitee to choose the 2008 Softball Olympic Team.

You know, it's nice to see people who have a clear view of what they like and what's important ot them. She was always a great athelte and could really motivate her teammates to do their best. Yesterday, she looked like she was having an incredible time and was so encouraging with her team. She still has a great smile.

In that sixth grade year I made the All-Star Bobby-Sox team. Unfortunately I also had a big family waterski vacation planned to houseboat for a week on Lake Shasta. I had been looking forward to it for months. It was happening right smack dab in the middle of the All-Star season. I was told I had to choose. Suzy's family offered to let me stay at their house for the week. I went back and forth. I also wasn't a kid who had spent much time away from my family. I chose the waterski trip.

Looking back this was a pretty big fork in the road for me. The girls who were on that team got super great training plus went into the next season with the" All-Star" rep. It felt like I was playing catch up from then on. I still played and did well but the coaches always knew I was the one who decided not to play on that team. That was a big difference. You'd think that some local kids softball league wouldn't be political but it really was. Coaches and team managers daughters were often selected for All-Star teams over better players. It was kind of a clique.

I was often told that if I could just stick to one sport I could be big-time good. Sorry, that wasn't for me. I loved tennis, waterskiing, basketball, softball, Martail Arts etc. I couldn't seem to narrow it down. That semed kind of boring.

But there are people like Suzy who have that focus, follow their dreams, and make a life for themselves doing what they love. This is good.

I haven't done too bad for myself either, being a head instructor and running my own Martial Arts School, but it made me think while watching that game that I could have very easily ended up where Suzy was. That Waterski trip was fun but that time on the All-Star team could have set me on a different path. Not necessarily a better path but most likely a whole bunch of my life could have been different.

I guess that what you call Cross Roads.

Chocolate Cake

I am a woman who has enjoyed chocolate cake. I thought for a long time what it would be like to have some incredible exotic cake but I didn't have the nerve to give it a try. That is until about two years ago.

I tried the exotic cake and was completely floored by the texture, flavor, and pure joy I experienced. I never even imagined cake could be this good! It even made the chocolate cake I was still consuming taste better. Then suddenly all my chocolate cake kind of disapeared from my world. That was O.K., I still had the same incredible exotic cake and I can't imagine ever getting tired of it. In fact, I crave and am enraptured by it more than ever.

Now, the opportunity to have chocolate cake has presented itself again. I enjoyed a bit of it along with my exotic cake and it tasted heavenly. But now I have a new exotic favorite. It's the one I want to have most often. I also know I like the two of them together, which I think will be my next favorite form cake consumption.

The idea of having chocolate cake alone is exciting. It will be nice to have a different flavor occasionally and this could end up being the best chocolate cake I've ever tasted. I'm looking forward to it. I just want to proceed slowly. It can't take the place of my new exotic cake. I assume that for every piece of chocolate cake I have I will probably want a few slices of the exotic cake and some combo plates in between.

But you know what they say, "Let them eat cake!" Sounds good to me!

Shifts

It's so interesting to me that one can feel emotional shifts within themselves as if it were a physical reality.

I've gone through an incredible couple of weeks. There was so much stuff going on that it began to feel like an engine overhaul. There were times I was ranting, crying, angry, frustrated, confused, numb, distracted and so very vulnerable. I'm still getting used to the idea that this kind of suffering often brings huge amounts of personal growth. I sat with it, rationalized it, prayed about it, tried not to think about it, made huge pros and cons lists and kept telling myself to be patient.

Then suddenly there came this clarity. I knew what I wanted. I felt it to the very center of my soul. And it wasn't that I wanted this thing and would curl up and die if I didn't get it. I felt this peace that even though I was certain about my feelings, that I would be just fine if it didn't happen. The certainty helped me feel calm and strong.

Well, things seem to be working the way I hoped they would. Not some instantaneous change, but very definite movement.

I feel like a different person. Improved may be a better word. I have this extra calmness and confidence that I've never felt before that I'm pretty sure will be spilling over into many parts of my life. The world seems clearer and more full of possibilities. I'm standing a little taller, prouder, and more balanced. I feel this in my body as well as my brain.

Although it would be hard to live every day of my life like the last two weeks, I know that when times like this come up I will see them in a new light.

The Journey and the Destination

There is an organization called "Destination Imagination." For the last five years or so my kids have been involved with it. It takes creative problem solving and planning and turns into a type of competition with teams coming together on tournament day, presenting their solutions and being judged. At the end of the day there is an awards ceremony where the top three teams from each category are announced and these three teams move on to the state finals.

This happened yesterday. My kids are not involved in any other competitive activity besides this, so it feels like a pretty big deal. The great thing this year was that my daughter joined my son's team so I did not have to run around trying to figure out how I was going to be able to see both their performances. Also, since all the kids involved were so experienced and the fact that they picked an Improvisational Challenge, they did not have to endure long weekly practice sessions. Four half day meetings, some individual research, and they all felt pretty prepared.

We saw the other High School level teams present their "Central Challege" soluton and knew our team kicked their butt, but that's only 1/2 the score. The other half comes from an "Instant Challenge." A task is presented to them that the team has only a few minutes to decide together how best to solve and another few minutes to present their solution to the judges
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This part of the competition is closed to everyone but the team, their manager, and the judges and they are all sworn to secrecy so that other teams will not be able to know in advance and pre-plan their solution.

The only thing we knew after the Instant Challenge was that they ran out of time before they got to all the elements needed in the solution.

When they announced the results at the awards ceremony, we were all estatic when we found out we had taken first place. They also give out special awards, which are very prestigious cause they are only given to teams who go above and beyond expectations and really stand out. The team recieved two such awards. The "DaVinci" award for exceptional innovation; hardly ever recieved in the Improv Challenge and the "Spirit of D.I." award for the best showing of team cooperation, motivation and team work for their Instant Challenge. Their team manager said she was sure they got this because of the awesomely inclusive and respectful way they worked together and also the fact that when they ran out of time, knowing that they had lost major points for not completeing it, they all just congratulated each other and said what a good job everyone had done.

Isn't it great that there is a competition out there that give major points and awards for this type of behavior?

I have complained in the past about this thing that they're involved in. Some of it can be annoying. The leaders of the organization can seem like over-age cheerleaders and a bit over the top in the sticky sweet enthusiasm. The award ceremony, though was much better than any other year, is loud, abnoxious and and irritating. The waiting around all day can get boring but you know what?

All in all, this is one really terrific organization and my kids have benefited from it in so many ways, some of which are not even measurable. The whole team building and working together as a group skill will be invaluable in their lives. I'm really grateful for us to be apart of this.

So it's off the Elk Grove, near Sacramento, for the State Finals. If they place here, the next step will be the Global Finals in beautiful Tennesee. We've reached State level before but I have not really wanted them to have to go to Globals, which they haven't, ( too far, too expensive, taking up too much of my precious time etc.) but I think this year I'm rooting for it a bit. My son is 17 now and this may be his last year on the team and with my daughter being on the same team it would be quite an experiece for them both.

So I leave by saying thanks to all the hard working pople who give so much of themselves so that kids like mine can have this fantastic experience. And team, GOOD LUCK!

Connecting to Heart

What is this thing that pulls at my heart

Pulls, pushes, twists and finally opens

Openess like I've never experienced

Experiences that mold and shape the emerging person

The person who's eyes see for the first time

Seeing beauty, light, truth and hope

Hope that engulfs my entire being

Entirely possible that it could be misplaced

But possibiblites are endless

Endless like my love

Love like I've never known before

Knowing it comes full circle

Circling, connecting with my heart

Patience

I sometimes think of myself as a patient person. As a Martial Arts instructor I'm told, on a fairly regular basis, how I have increible amounts of patience to lead a class of a dozen 4-7 year olds.

But this patience comes and goes depending on the situation. I'm in the throws of an emotional gullywopper and would love to rush through it and get some air. This situation requires a tremendous amount of patience, the kind where you're willing to live with a huge knot in the pit of your stomach and hope for the best.

While I'm waiting, I'm also finding lots of places that need clarification so that I'm less likely to have to go through this intense a storm again. It's not easy. In fact it's nervewracking, dizzying, distracting, and downright uncomfortable! Doesn't mean it's not worth it or valuable, but really hard none-the-less.

The one thing I know for sure is that I'll be O.K. I hope it works out the way I want but I'll suvive no matter what. Finding this strength is amazing regardless of the outcome!