Shifts

It's so interesting to me that one can feel emotional shifts within themselves as if it were a physical reality.

I've gone through an incredible couple of weeks. There was so much stuff going on that it began to feel like an engine overhaul. There were times I was ranting, crying, angry, frustrated, confused, numb, distracted and so very vulnerable. I'm still getting used to the idea that this kind of suffering often brings huge amounts of personal growth. I sat with it, rationalized it, prayed about it, tried not to think about it, made huge pros and cons lists and kept telling myself to be patient.

Then suddenly there came this clarity. I knew what I wanted. I felt it to the very center of my soul. And it wasn't that I wanted this thing and would curl up and die if I didn't get it. I felt this peace that even though I was certain about my feelings, that I would be just fine if it didn't happen. The certainty helped me feel calm and strong.

Well, things seem to be working the way I hoped they would. Not some instantaneous change, but very definite movement.

I feel like a different person. Improved may be a better word. I have this extra calmness and confidence that I've never felt before that I'm pretty sure will be spilling over into many parts of my life. The world seems clearer and more full of possibilities. I'm standing a little taller, prouder, and more balanced. I feel this in my body as well as my brain.

Although it would be hard to live every day of my life like the last two weeks, I know that when times like this come up I will see them in a new light.