13 Year Old Energy

It seems impossible but my daughter, my youngest child, just turned 13. I'm now the mother of two teenagers. The changes I'm seeing in both the kids are amazing. They're becoming the adults they're meant to be. They are loving, curious, articulate, imaginative and for the most part, great people to hang out with. We have a lot of fun together.

Right at this moment, as the day of my daughters birth is coming to a close, there are 11 odd children running, laughing, talking, and shouting. Yes, that's right, a slumber party. Odd name for a party where there is so little of the name of the party going on.

If we could bottle up the energy of these kids that has been expended in the last six hours we could light up the state of California for at least a week.

I guess the slumber parties I attended at this age were very much the same. I remember getting a bit tired of the hyperness of the night but not wanting to be the party pooper, kept up with the best of them. Maybe that's what we were all doing cause we thought that is what we were supoosed to do.

Anyway, I for one am going to hit the hay and find a semi-quiet spot for those getting tired of the super energetic frenzy.

Hope I get some sleep. There are some here that don't look like they'll be ready to sleep any time soon.

Homesick

Here I am in the place that served as my home for the last six years. Things have changed. I no longer own a part of this home as with the breakup of my marraige it was decided that the house should belong to my ex-husband. He spent way more time here than I did and works in this small town. He refinanced and I got half the equity so it was a fair deal.

The kids can come back to the place that's been their home also for the last six years. Their rooms are exactly the same. The house is basically the same. I didn't even take any furniture so that the big change to their family life might be somewhat lessened with having their physical home stay intact.

This weekend I have driven the kids up here and as I had an appointment in the area today and will celebrate my daughter's birthday with the family tomorrow, I spent last night here and am staying again tonight. The ex and I are on good terms but I feel really homesick to not be here. There is nowhere here that feels like my place. I found myself this morning going to the wrong places in the kitchen trying to find simple things like a glass for my water. It hasn't been long enough for this to happen but I have chalked it up to some kind of disconnection that must have to happen.

Tonight I can't feel settled. I'm now in my son's room cause this was the only place where I could be alone and try to sort things out. I went out for a walk and it was a beautiful moonlit night but I just felt lonely. Tried to call a couple of friends but they were out of reach.

I'm apartment hunting now so I really don't have any place to truly call home. The closest I have is the home of "the one" where I am always welcome. It feels like a warm safe place and I sometimes wish I could live there but this is impossible for now.

I'm grateful to have this blog to go to get things off my chest. I realize I'm bitching and moaning quite a bit here but that's what I need now.

Signing off from one of the most beautiful places you'll ever see. I hope I can appreciate this fact better tomorrow.

Climax-a-thon

After 10 hours driving time, I crawl into bed with "the one." She's exhausted and has let me know that as much as she'd like to have sex, she's just way too tired to consider it. O.K., I can handle that. We'll just cuddle and go to sleep. Great plan, right?

There's only one small problem, snuggling up to her produced massive amounts of desire on my part. This is quite new for me. Never had this in any other relationship before, at least not anywhere close to this extent. Try to invoke that tender, sleepy, "it's just nice to be with her" feeling but no, my body is having none of it.

She falls asleep very quickly and I decide to back away from the fire. Give myself a little space to disengage. This too proves unsuccesful. I try some self satisfaction to take the edge off and darned if I don't drift off to sleep without completion.

Find myself looking up from the bed and seeing a woman with short black hair standing over me next to the bed. I don't know her and somehow in my unconscious state somewhat realize that I must be dreaming.

I ask her what she wants and she asks if I would please sponsor her in a Climax-a-thon. "What?" I ask. She says it's like a jog-a-thon but instead of pledging money for miles jogged you pledge for climaxes achieved. Her goal was to get 50 climaxes. I remember being stunned, and I didn't get a chance to answer cause something woke me up then.

I laughed to myself right away remembering the dream. What a concept! Might spark some interest in people who would otherwise not participate in fundraising activities.

This story has a happy ending in that "the one" got woken up by her dog after a fair amount of sleep (I really love this dog) and wanted to make love. I'd never thought of myself as someone who "needed" sex but that's exactly what it felt like this time. I think we both got what we needed. Only 48 more to go!