Hard, hard day/night

I've had a low grade headache and felt a bit barfy on and off for the past two days. I'm still crampy and bleeding which is lasting days longer than usual. I went into a real bad emotional swamp yesterday, I mean, real bad. I haven't felt that despondent in a long time. The fallout from the... what to call it... ending? shifting? reorganizing? of my last relationship has been hard but yesterday I went to the mat with it. I was actually wailing in the car on the way home from taking my kids to meet their Dad.

I considered the fact that I may be getting sick but I think this is probably mostly hormonal. It's not that those emotions aren't there pretty often but I think that when those hormones are in high gear like they are now, everything is just bigger, sadder, angrier. It's like turning the volume up on the stereo - way up.

I ended up talking to em. She's in a hard place too right now but she was there for me and I'm grateful for that. I watched two DVDs till 2 a.m. until I couldn't stay awake then fell into a fitful sleep. If this is what menopause feels like, I'm not pleased...not pleased at all. It's not that I'm blaming my problems on it. These circumstances would be there regarldless of the rushing hormonal activity but I don't like how out of control I feel. Maybe that's the lesson - giving up control. Sigh....