Competent?

Does anyone out there have it all together? I mean, is there anyone who cruises through life and feels competent? And even if there does, indeed, seem to be such a person, is there any validity there?

Here's why I am asking. I used to think such people existed but now I doubt that it's even possible. I believe that EVERYONE has places where they feel incompetent and some of us have a lot of such places.

I met someone that I thought had it together pretty well - my acting teacher. You should see her teach! She was so useful to so many people on so many different levels. She took them/us to places that were so compelling and seemed so incredibly useful that I marveled. She was in total command of that space.

Then I saw her act. Again I was blown away at her skill level and what she could reveal through her work. It was like being transported to another dimension where every line, every expression, every movement brought some kind of understanding of basic human nature. This may seem excessive and over the top but that was my experience.

Last weekend I went to a fundraising party that was put on to help cover the expenses to take a three person Macbeth performance that she has directed and acts in to England and Scotland. Em and I went and saw it last month and really enjoyed it.

So here's the thing. She's a powerful actor and teacher but I couldn't believe how uncomfortable she seemed when it came to one on one interactions. She seemed nervous, awkward and really out of her element. I was having a good time and she would come up and apologize that it was so boring. They had these really funny comedians, friendly people, good food and drink etc yet it seemed like she felt it was inadequate. This all surprised me. Where was the commanding presence I was used to?

Em would talk about how often a person's outsides didn't always reflect their insides. People often only show what they want the world to see so consequently we often think that that person over there is happier, smarter, more secure or whatever than we are. We know what a mess we are but don't always see that reflected in others. That's one reason I love Al anon. People share their less than perfect interior selves and you feel a lot less alone.

I'll leave you with a joke told by a lesbian comedian that night. She goes to Planned Parenthood for a breast exam. They ask a bunch of sexual activity type questions and she finally has to tell them she's gay when they get on her case because she said yes, she's sexually active but no, she doesn't use birth control.

Before she leaves she's given a care package that contains the Plan B pill (morning after pill) She tells them she has no need for it but they say take it just in case. She speculates; just in case of what? Then she says "Oh yeah, just in case I'm walking down the street and I slip and fall in a puddle of sperm!"

That really cracked me up.