Letting go, ready to fight, swimming and blondness

I'm a person who may have too many expectations. I expect certain behavior out of others and have a hard time when people don't measure up. Take my family for instance. They freaked out when I told them about my unusual relationship I was in. They refused to invite my significant others to family functions. They basically told me that what I was doing was immoral. I was very angry. I refused to attend most of the "holiday" gatherings. But that was OK because I had a new family.

Now this new family is in a flux. I don't feel like a card carrying member anymore and the other day it hit me. I had no family! I have my kids. I love my kids and we're a family (a pretty darned cool one at that.) But they were gone for the weekend with their father and I felt so alone.

I decided the next day to just let go. I'm trying to let go of the anger and resentment I felt to my family's reactions. I won't forget the lessons I learned and the limitations they place on acceptance, but I'm tired of how this was making me feel inside. I realize that I'm the kind of person who needs to feel like I belong. To feel like I have a solid place within a family structure and I haven't had that for a long time. I know that there is dysfuntion in my family but at the heart of it, we've also had a lot of good times. The kids and I went out to lunch with my parent's today and we all had a great time. I have no control of outside conditions, but I have some control over the conditions within me. You know, my attitude.

In other news, I'm volunteering this Saturday to work with an organization that is trying to gain support and defeat the Gay Marraige Ban that will be on the ballot here in Caifornia in November. The ban would overturn the State Supreme Court ruling making it legal in the state to marry a person of the same sex. It has already gone into effect and I know some people who have gotten married. They were very excited! I don't know if I personally would take advantage of this opportunity some day but I'd like to have that option. It's important to a lot of people. The polls show that it will be pretty close so I'm doing something that I hope will help tip the scales in our favor. If you are a Californian I urge you to Vote NO on this proposition and let the court ruling stand. If you know anyone who lives here it would be great if you could show your support and encourage them also.

Lastly, I'm now in training to do the La Jolla Rough Water Swim in September. It's a mile long! I just started getting in the water this week. It's a different kind of training than I'm used to but with it being so warm around here of late, this seems like a practical and cool way to get some exercise in. It feels good to get into that ocean and let that incredible bouyant feeling come over me, to merge with the water. I guess I swam 6/10's of a mile today and had to switch strokes many times so I have a ways to go but I'm excited. My adventurous friend Karen, who is in her 60's, did it last year and challenged me to join her this year. I enjoy a good physical challenge!

Oh and by the way, I'm a blond now. We'll see if I have more fun!