things left unsaid

A quick update. My difficulties of last post, ages ago, turned out OK. I had a school meeting and about 40-50 people turned up. All but two people, the lawyer and his wife, supported my decision. I did lose one really great student but that's how it goes.

Now my struggle is with my new landlords at the school who have tried to double my rent! I got them down to a resonable price but will lose some of my space. It's not official yet and meantime I found another location if this falls through. This has taken up a lot of time and energy.

I'm taking an Acting class at the local community college. (I'll write more about how I ended up there another time) and we have an assignment to create a two minute monologue saying something you wished you would have said, but did not. I eneded up writing two so I thought I'd share the one I'm not going to present. I cried reading this to my kids. It still hurts even though this happened over 30 years ago.


In the summer of 1976, when I was 15, I played Bobby Sox Softball and was picked to be on the All-Star Team, or so I thought.

Hey Coach,

This has been an amazingly hard time for me. I have been disappointed over and over and I think you and this organization need to think about the terrible way I’ve been treated.

I was both excited and disappointed when I found out that I had been voted first alternate to the All-Star Team. I should have been on the main team. I’m a much better player most of the other girls but they got in because their parents were either coaches or team managers during the regular season. You’re all good friends so you voted for each others kids. That is totally unfair. But did I quit? No

But then I’m told that if we get past the regionals to the State finals, that I will for sure get to play because Val’s family is going to Hawaii and the rule states that you can’t miss more than 4 days of practice and her family will be gone the entire two weeks between tournaments. I decide to hang in there. I made every practice and worked really hard.

Before the regionals you had that swim party. You called everyone together and gave a great speech about how the team had worked so hard and how proud you are and all that shit. Then you said, as a reward, you had gotten everyone equipment bags. They had the name and player number embroidered on each one. You handed them out one by one. Imagine how horrible I felt when you handed the last one out and I realized that you had not gotten them for the three alternate players. I was devastated. I could tell by the look on your face that you knew you screwed up by you never said anything. No apology, no nothing. I went upstairs and cried. But did I quit?… no.

After winning the regionals, I was so happy to show up to practice. I was finally on the team! That’s when you took me aside and told me that Val had been crying after the last game because she wanted to play in the state finals and go to Hawaii too. I know she’s a good pitcher but you bent the rules and took away the thing I had been promised from the very beginning. What about my crying? What about me throwing my mitt into the chain-link backstop and storming off the field? Wasn’t that enough to see how your actions had hurt me? That promise was the only reason that I didn’t leave the team before. I can’t believe you’ve done this to me. You’re such an asshole!

I QUIT!