coming out monologue

Here's a copy of the monologue I did for my acting class. I had it down pat but in front of the class I couldn't remember every part. That was OK because we were allowed to glance at our notes. I was shaking like a leaf but really I probably would have been worse if I had actually told them this then. As it was, in my forties, I outed myself through an email.

Two minute monologue
Saying something that you wished you would have said, but did not.

The year is 1981, I’m 20 years old, living with the folks and going to Long Beach State to get a degree in business. This is something I wished I could have told them.


Hey Mom and Dad. There’s something I want to tell you that’s really hard for me.

Ever since I can remember it has always been really important to me to have your approval. All was right with the world when I made you proud.

Whenever I disappointed you, I felt terrible. You never had to punish me as a kid because your disapproval was devastating!

I know you have expectations for my life and I’ve done my best to live up to them. You both have gone out of your way to give me as many advantages as possible. For this I will always be grateful.

There is a part of me that I have kept secret. I have even tried really hard to make this part of me go away or stay hidden. The reason that I haven’t told you or anyone else about this is that I’m afraid of being rejected… and losing your love. This is an overwhelming fear.

But it’s time to speak my truth. I’m gay. I’m a lot of other things too. I hate labels but I’m more attracted to women than I am to men. This is not something I’ve chosen, but is as much a part of me as the color of my eyes. Don’t get me wrong, I like men. I’ve enjoyed the relationships that I’ve had with guys but there is always something missing, something important.

I know this isn’t something that you would have wished for. I realize that you both are probably really disappointed and that’s hard for me.

No, I’ve never had a girlfriend. What usually happens is that I develop these huge crushes then end up being really great friends. I’ve always been afraid to let them know how I feel and like I said, I’ve been trying my best to deny these feelings myself. I cherish these close friendships and haven’t been willing to risk compromising that.

This can not be prayed away. I tried that already. Therapy isn’t the answer either. I’m telling you this now because I want to persue a life that includes me dating women and eventually finding someone to share my life with. I don’t want to sneak around and try to hide this from you.

I just hope you can still love and continue support me.