Control Continued...

Ok, here's an update. I received a letter from one of my students parent's. He's the same one who came to me Saturday morning that I wrote about last post. It turns out he's a lawyer and wrote this letter on his company letterhead and used a bunch of legal terms (but not even in a very intellegent way) about "verbal contracts" and "damages" and "actions" and assures me that many other parents feel the same way. It was hostile, threatening, and insulting. He's such an asshole.

I went into a tailspin of feeelings - anger, fear, indecision, confusion, helplessness etc. I did what any respecting Al-anon person would do and took off for the Grand Canyon. I knew I was pulling what's known as a "geographic," but did it anyway. Em took my kids and I was gone for a total of 30 hours. I drove to Williams AZ, stayed in a hotel there, drove an hour the next morning, took in the gorgeous views for a few hours, and drove back home. I enjoy driving and it gave me a chance to think things through.

I talked to some law type people and have gotten different responses but it seems they may have a point and that I may need to have this change affect new students to the school and let the others not have this change of title.

I am now only referring to this lawyer and his wife as "Mr. or Mrs. (his whole name) Attorney at Law" It's not what he proposed that's got me up in arms but the heavy handed way he's gone about it. I've set up a meeting for this Thursday for anyone who wants to discuss this situation.

I also found out about a secret petition circulating opposing the change. When I passed out the notice about the meeting I added that I knew about the petition, thought it was a great idea and encouraged everyone who agrees with it to sign it and attend the meeting.

I have some compromises that will probably appease most people but I am not under "contract" to Mr. or Mrs. Attorney at Law to be nice to them. They will receive so only curt, business-like communication from me. I'm a friendly, nice person so this is/will be a big change for them. I'm hoping they leave the school soon.

I'm learning BIG things here and although this sucks really bad I think a substantial badly needed shift is happening to me as a result.

Where I get to take control.

Are they just threats from people kicking and screaming over changes they don't understand? It's hard to know. I guess I'll be finding out soon.

My Martial Arts school has been undergoing some changes. The name was changed. The school itself was updated with new floors, paint, equiptment etc. Then when I started discussing these changes with my instructor and the man who started this school, Mr. G suggested making a change that he had been thinking about for a long time; a designation between students who earn their Black belt when they are very young and those closer to adulthood. Most schools have a Jr. Black Belt program. Either that or they do not even let the younger students even test for their Black Belt till they are 16 or 18 years old.

So I introduced this concept this week to the students and parents at the school. There has been a bit of a backlash. One parent took me aside and basically said he has been talking to some other parents who feel the same way - that introducing the title Jr. Black Belt to represent those under 16 who pass the test is akin to nullifying the whole experience. Not only that, if certain changes aren't made "they" might just quit the school.

I kept it together while being told this but 15 minutes later I lost it, went into my office and burst into tears. I hate disappointing people. It's this illness I have and the thought that a bunch of people are angry with me for doing something I truly believe in is heartbreaking for me. Em happened to be at the school and came to my office after I disappeared. She helped talk me through it and offered her support. I was so grateful to her for being there for me.

Today I'm just kinda pissed off. Even though it's Sunday and I usually don't work, I spent the whole afternoon putting up banners, window signs, and Christmas lights to attract new students. I've also been thinking about how I'm going to handle this situation in the best way possible. I'm going to try to make them understand the benefits to the students, our school and the style itself. If they still want to walk fine. I will learn a good lesson in standing up for what I believe even if others disagree and even if that translates to losing some students/income.

This people pleasing thing runs deep for me. I was telling em and eduardo after dinner tonight that I feel like I was brainwashed as a kid. Other people's approval became extremely important to me. This is one of the reason's that I never considered coming out and tried to rationalize away my attraction to women for all but the last four years. This is a core issue for me and I'm being given the opportunity to learn this in several places in my life. It sucks, but here goes!