Green-Eyed monster

Here's one of the challanges to being in a three person relationship. Jealousy. It crops up from time to time for me. When I look at the situation rationally, I can break it down into parts and see that it doesn't hold up to scrutiny. But as Em says, feelings aren't always rational.

Em and Eduardo are together tonight. It's likely that they're making love. Em and I were together last night. It was amazing! I've never experienced the emotional, physical and sexual yearnings with anyone like I do with her. Probably has a lot to do with the fact that I was attracted to women my whole life but never got to experience this until Em and I got together. This was three years ago. I'm 45 now so this is kinda late to have those intense teenage first love feelings. I don't want to fall into that relationship breaking possesive thing. They truely love each other. They are great together. When the three of us are together I get to experience the way they relate to each other in a sexual way and it's beautiful; not to mention hot, hot, hot.

I guess I'm feeling left out tonight. I wish I was there with them. Just as I have an absolute need to have one on one time with Em, she and Eduardo need time alone as well. That emotional connection is important.

This is still the relationship I want to be in. I can't imagine anyone else that I'd have as much fun, laughter, emotional support, great conversations and true growth oportunities with. It's just that it's sometimes hard for me to go from that intensely close, great sex, hold each other all night scene to sleeping completely alone. It's probably not helping that I just started my moon time. Emotions get magnified this first day.

From what I've read on the subject, pretending those jealous feelings don't exist doesn't help. I've talked to both of them about this and now I'm sharing it here. I know that they love me. Most of the time I feel true joy when I think of them together. I'm just not in that place tonight.

I'm heading off alone to my airplane bed, no co pilot(s) (Big Chill reference.) The three of us may take in a movie tomorrow night.

BTW, my kids and I tried to watch "Time Bandits" I didn't make it through, they kind of did, but floated in and out of the room at times. We were expecting more comedy so we found it a bit boring. Night!