What to do?

I've had two weekends in a row that were incredibly nice. I spent most of my time with with Scout, Patrick and their kids (not going with the bikes and cake analogy today.) It's this nice family blending with some amazing sex thrown in when the kids are fast asleep or otherwise being watched by one of the three of us. My kids were safely tucked away with their father for both weekends which gives me the freedom to have this experience.

I love my kids very much but I really like having my weekends completely free to do what I want without having to explain my wherabouts to anyone. My Son is wanting to spend more weekends here at my place and got up the nerve to tell his father this. What I was hoping for was that he would let his Dad know that he is pretty bored up in the mountains with him and that they would address that problem in a way that they could brainstorm ways to alleviate the boredom somewhat so that son's time up there would be better. His Dad took the news really well and said he could underdtand where Son was coming from and although he looked forward to having both the kids with him on the weekends, he would talk to me about having them stay with me more.

I'm sorry but this will totally cramp my style. I won't be able to spend practically entire weekends with my other family when my kids are here. It's become something I really look forward to and, as it is, the kids stay with me most of the week and at least one weekend a month. I guess Son is hoping for every other weekend with Dad. I feel sort of selfish wanting things to stay the way they have been. Daughter says she could go either way but also looks forward to staying with me more. Son is 17 and I guess I have to expect things to change no matter what. Everyone has to shift a bit here but I'm resisting.

It's not that I can't see my other family when my kids are here, in fact it's also nice for the whole bunch of us to be together but I can't stay the night there and it's soooo nice to snuggle up together and fall asleep in that sleepy, loving, wrapped around each other kind of way. Sure I have to move out to the couch in the early morning so as to be in a less compromising position when boy or girl get up but then eventually we're all up having breakfast together and doing the family thing once again. It's really nice.

O.K. I realize I'm whinning here. One less weekend a month is not going to kill me. It would be great if my kids could make some good friends in the mountains so that they would look forward to being there more. Maybe agreeing to let them stay with me more often would just take them off the hook to find ways of coping with their boredom and isolation they feel when they are there. I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I haven't agreed to anything yet. We all have out needs and wants so I guess it's a matter of balancing them out. Son will be driving soon and will have more control of his comings and goings and this will change the dynamic anyway.

Now I'm rambling. It'll all work out. Someday I hope to live full time and share a home with my other family with my kids there as well. It just seems way down the road and I'm feeling impatient. I love myself. I love my kids. I love Scout and Patrick. I love their kids too. With so much love going around it seems like it's all going to be fine with a bit of adjustment thrown in for good measure. Worthwhile things take work and I'm ready to roll up my sleeves and have at it. Change can be uncomfortble. Sigh....