Vulnerable

Man, do I ever hate that feeling of being vulnerable. It's like I'm standing naked in the middle of a sand storm. Each small bit of sand digs in and stings like crazy. It's really hard to keep your cool and appear normal when all you want to do is run and hide. Or wait to get sympathy from someone you want to talk to but stuggle not to burden them with your problems.
That's the hard part for me. Most people see me as being so strong but lately things are changing so quickly in my life and I really need to emote.
Someone needs me now so I have to go. Remember, I'm the strong one!

Hey,Look Everyone, I'm Bloggin!

O.K. I relly thought that was going to be much harder than it was. I'm a complete novice when it comes to computer, internet, web stuff. So... here I am....what to relate... I guess I better keep this simple and not get caught up in the "this better be good just in case someone is actually reading this" But......
I'm a bit of an egomaniac. I'm a woman in her 40's and I still crave a bit of attention. I'll be doing something like shooting hoops, playing tennis etc. and really enjoying myself. Then I'll see someone who I think might be watching. Guess what happens? I go into show off mode. Oh yes, I try to stop myself or I rationalize that no, I've just decided to put some extra energy into this activity and it really has nothing to do with the fact that someone is watching. But you should see me go!
I've been like this since I was a kid. Being a girl athelete was so cool! And I actually liked it when someone called me a "Tom Boy." I felt so proud whan someone would say "Wow, you don't throw like a girl at all." But the truth was this was usually coming from a boy who couldn't throw as hard, fast and acurately as I could.
Even in my 20's and 30's, when we would get together for random softball games, I relished it when the outfield would automatically move in whenever a female came up to bat. I tried to hold in my excitement as I stepped up to the plate and knew there was a good chance that I would knock it over their heads for a home run. This is usually what happened, but only that first time up.
You know how that is, trying to appear all modest, but really inside you're jumping up and down saying "Man, am I good!" and "Aren't you all impressed!"
Well, writing for me may not be as natural as sports are, but it's really hard to supress that ego, so if in the future I write something really impressive, you'll what know my motivation really is. Or maybe I'll grow up and grow out of this phase but it's been there a long time!

WHAT'S A BLOG?

Less than a year ago, I asked someone "What's a blog?" I'm not sure that I will be able to dedicate myself to regular postings or that anything I write will be anything other than my way of getting some thoughts out into "cyberspace...space...space...(echo fades)
Or maybe it will be a place to go when, like this morning, I've had a case of insomnia that has not abated after the required 30 minutes of fighting to go back to sleep.
I'll leave it with that right now and see how this blog gets put together by the blog wizard.
Bye for now!